www.cbhough.com

Look at this bril pic my mate took on his recent visit to his family back home.

... to a copper.

1. I can't reach my license unless you hold my beer.
2. Sorry, Officer, I didn't realise my radar detector wasn't plugged in.
3. Aren't you the guy from the Village People?
4. Hey, you must've been doin' about 125 mph to keep up with me. Good job!
5. Are You Andy or Barney?
6. I thought you had to be in relatively good physical condition to be a police officer.
7. You're not gonna check the trunk, are you?
8. I pay your salary!
9. Gee, officer! That's terrific. The last officer only gave me a warning, too!
10. Do you know why you pulled me over? Okay, just so one of us does.
11. I was trying to keep up with traffic Yes, I know there are no other cars around. That's how far ahead of me they are.
12. When the Officer says "Gee. Your eyes look red, have you been drinking?" You probably shouldn't respond with,"Gee Officer your eyes look glazed, have you been eating doughnuts?"

THE PENIS WANTS A RAISE

I, the Penis, hereby request a raise in salary for the following
reasons. I do physical labor. I work at great depths. I plunge
head first into everything I do. I do not get weekends or public
holidays off. I work in a damp environment. I work in a dark
workplace that has poor ventilation. I work in high temperatures.
My work exposes me to contagious diseases.

THE RESPONSE:

Dear Penis, After assessing your request, andconsidering the
arguments you have raised, the administration rejects your
request for the following reasons: You do not work 8 straight hours.
You fall asleep after brief work periods. You do not always follow
orders of the management team. You do not stay in your designated
area and are often seen visiting other locations. You do not take
initiative. You need to be pressured and stimulated in order to
start working. You leave the workplace rather messy at the end of
your shift. You don't always observe necessary safety requirements,
such as wearing the correct protective clothing. You will retire
well before you are 65. You are unable to work double shifts. You
sometimes leave your designated work area before you have completed
the assigned task. And if that were NOT ALL, you have been seen
constantly entering and exiting the workplace carrying two suspicious
looking bags.

Sincerely, The Management

There have been rumors for some time and now it's official...

StormPay.com is Gone -- More or Less.

If you're using StormPay to accept payment on your website, you
need to switch to another service right away.

Paypal

Greenzap

E-Gold

So what's the story?

Well, if you log in to your StormPay account and scroll to the
bottom of the page, you'll see a policy change that will rock
the foundations of many online business owners.

Basically, as of 2 days ago, StormPay only handles payments for
items bought and sold in StormPay Auctions. Yes, StormPay
Auctions only -- nothing else. You can no longer accept payments
on your website nor can you send or receive any kind of payments
outside of StormPay Auctions.

According to their update, they've done this "to insure a safer
online experience for both buyers and sellers" and to make sure
"that sold items are within StormPay?s acceptable use policies".

This is probably down to StormPay's recent 'complications'. Run
a search at http://news.google.com for "stormpay autosurf"
(without the quotes) to learn more about what's been going on.

Anyway, that seems to be it as far as StormPay is concerned.
It's crazy to think that they didn't even contact their users to
let them know.

In fact, the policy text itself is hidden away at the bottom of
the page under the very happy-clappy title "What's New". Sort of
an "Oh, by the way..." thing.

At least they're nice enough to "apologize for any inconvenience
this may have caused".

Inconvenience? What inconvenience...!?

If you need to switch to another way of sending and receiving money online, you can do so right here by signing up to any of these well known, and trusted servive providers.

Paypal

Greenzap

E-Gold

An American woman of 40 wants to get married, but she is only willing
to marry a man if he has never been with a woman.

After several unsuccessful years of searching, she decides to take out
a personal ad. She ends up corresponding with a man who has lived his
entire life in the Australian outback. They end up getting married.

On their wedding night, she goes into the bathroom. When she returns
to the bedroom, she finds her new husband standing in the middle of the
room, naked and all the furniture from the room piled in one corner.

"What happened?" she asks.

"I've never been with a woman," he says, "but if it's anything like a
kangaroo, I'm gonna need all the room I can get."

Ok, this is not the usual, "Pay me some money and make a bit more" opportunity. This one i'm using myself. Have a quick look. The whole Package is worth $2200, but on my site you can get it all for only $49.

Yes i just had a near death experience. lol I was on my way out to go and fill my car up with petrol and delivering my wife's Avon stuff. Anyway, as i opened the cupboard door to get my coat out, the flippen Yellow pages fell out, and onto my foot. At this time i only had flip flops on. It nearly killed me. We all know about the pressure point on ya foot that when you stood down on it hard enough will kill ya instantly, well the book fell about half an inchfrom that spot. Oh, and yes, it made me bleed!!! And by the way. It's my 8th day of going cold turkey and the good old fags. hehe

8th day now. I must admit. I have thought about cigarettes a few times now, not really about having one, but they just seem to be in my mind alot, hehe.

Lat time i gave up, it got bad headaches. But this time i have had none. I hav had some really weird dreams though. Sherri has joined me this time in giving up, and she is doing great. She's on the patches though. Hopefully she won't need them for much longer.

I'll keep you updated.

Have a great day

THIS IS A E-MAIL THAT I GOT THIS MORNING, HAVE A LOOK, HEHE

Read before you view the picture

The guy in the photo went to the Sundarbans with his friends and he
asked one of his friends to take his picture in that very place.

While his friend was taking the picture, he screamed and fainted. Two
days later he died in the medical college. Doctors said he died because
of heart attack.

When the photos were exposed, in the last photo there is a lady standing
right beside him standing alone. Many people said it is a rumor and the
picture is the result of the blessings of latest technology.

However, the photo itself is very scary and I'm sure you'll also feel
the same way I've felt. Here you go with the photo!! A navy officer sent
this letter to 13 people and he was promoted. A business man received
this letter and threw it away... Not believing in it.. and he lost
everything he had within 13 days.

It reached a labourer and he distributed it to 13 people he was promoted
and all his problems were solved within 13 days.

So you must send this e-mail to 13 people for something good to happen
to you so people..get sending !! don't be lazy

Hey all. I just got back from making 14 chinese deliveries tonight. Flippen hell, it went mad. Since only starting to deliver a few weeks ago, i'm still getting to know our town. Luckily i have a tomtom navigation system in my car. That things is great!!! Anyway, made quite a bit tonight, £32.50 in total, not too bad for a sideline job, have a good night, bye bye

Hey all.

Today has been a very lazy one again. I have in fact, just woken up from a one and a half hour nap, hehe. Sherri and i took ithe kids into town today. We went shopping for a few bits and took them to the memorial park for about half and hour. it was absolutely freezing, so we didn't stay for as long as we usually do.

On our way back, i got some KFC (MMMMM). After stuffing ourselves, Cameron went for a nap, and me and sherri just had to do the same. Lucas was quite happy playing games on sky tv.

Now i'm just waiting to go and do my Chinese deliveries from 17:30 till about 21:00. I usually get about £20 inclding the tips. Not too bad really.

Anyway,speak soon again.

just to let you guys know, that i have a live webcam feed of myself on my website, go and have a sneak of what is happening in my house at this very moment. hehe

Watch me live!!!

Hey peeps, I'm on my forth day of goin cold turkey. And i have had no bad cravings at all. I actually feel better already.

By the way, I'm giving away a few free stuff on my website that are very usefull. Go and have a look. Or just click on this link.

Speak to you all again soon.

Christian

Hey peeps. Sorry for being a bit quiet over the last few days. Just to let you know that I have now given up smoking properly. I basically went cold Turkey, and i have had no bad cravings thus far what so ever. And the best part of it is that my lovely wife, sherri, has made the effort of attemptingto kick the habit with me. She's done a whole day now, and i'm on my 3rd.

Speak to you all soon again

SICK DAYS:
We will no longer accept a doctor statement as proof of sickness. If you are able to go to the doctor, you are able to come to work.

SURGERY:
Operations are now banned. As long as you are an employee here, you need all your organs. You should not consider removing anything. We hired you intact. To have something removed constitutes a breach of employment.

PERSONAL DAYS:
Each employee will receive 104 personal days a year. They are called Saturday and Sunday.

VACATION DAYS:
All employees will take their vacation at the same time every year. The vacation days are as follows: Jan. 1, July 4 & Dec. 25

BEREAVEMENT LEAVE:
This is no excuse for missing work. There is nothing you can do for dead friends, relatives or coworkers. Every effort should be made to have non-employees attend to the arrangements. In rare cases where employee involvement is necessary, the funeral should be scheduled in the late afternoon. We will be glad to allow you to work through your lunch hour and subsequently leave one hour early, provided your share of the work is done enough.

OUT FROM YOUR OWN DEATH:
This will be accepted as an excuse. However, we require at least two weeks notice, as it is your duty to train your own replacement.

RESTROOM USE:
Entirely too much time is being spent in the restroom. In the future, we will follow the practice of going in alphabetical order. For instance, all employees whose names begin with 'A' will go from 8:00 to 8:20, employees whose names begin with 'B' will go from 8:20 to 8:40 and so on. If you're unable to go at your allotted time, it will be necessary to wait until the next day when your turn comes again. In extreme emergencies employees may swap their time with a coworker. Both employees' supervisors in writing must approve this exchange. In addition, there is now a strict 3-minute time limit in the stalls. At the end of three minutes, an alarm will sound, the toilet paper roll will retract, and the stall door will open.

LUNCH BREAK:
Skinny people get an hour for lunch as they need to eat more so that they can look healthy, normal size people get 30 minutes for lunch to get a balanced meal to maintain the average figure. Fat people get 5 minutes for lunch because that's all the time needed to drink a Slim Fast and take a diet pill. Sondra gets none.

DRESS CODE:
It is advised that you come to work dressed according to your salary, if we see you wearing $350 Prada sneakers and carrying a $600 Gucci bag we assume you are doing well financially and therefore you do not need a raise.

Thank you for your loyalty to our company. We are here to provide a positive employment experience. Therefore, all questions comments, concerns, complaints, frustrations, irritations, aggravations, insinuations, allegations, accusations, contemplations, consternations or input should be directed elsewhere. Have a nice week.

-- Management

Oh my God.

My cat came back in ten mins ago and goot onto the sofa and started chilling out. After a few mins he started lcking himself and we dicovered that there was blood all over him. Me and sherri had a quick look and i said i don't think it's his, and probably blood from a bird or something. Sherri then suggested that i check his tail because i check him out all over and didn't see any wounds. Anyway, we found that he was bleeding from close to the tip of his tail, but that the bleeding has stopped. I suppose we'll haveto keep an eye on him and make sure he doesn't start bleeding again. Awww, poor pussy cat.

I copied this article out of an South African Newspaper. Have a read through and let me know what you think.

Is it apartheid all over again?

Apartheid is supposed to be dead and buried but many believe that affirmative action, which was brought in to redress the imbalances created by apartheid, is merely a case of reverse racism.

by Lamese Abrahams

In 1994 when the apartheid regime fell after four pain-filled decades in power, former president Nelson Mandela stepped up to the platform to steer South Africa into a new democratic future. In any society it is virtually impossible to please every sector and when the Employment Equity Bill was passed, some were jubilant and others not. Twelve years have passed and many people, especially those who do not fall into the previously disadvantaged category, feel as though it is a case of reverse apartheid.

Johan Fourie came to London in search of his career elixir after spending the majority of his 20s in and out of work in South Africa. “The opportunities are here and not back home in South Africa. I can work as a labourer and make more money than I would ever had back home,” he stated. This outlook is popular as many white South Africans flock to the UK simply because they cannot find work at home.

“It seems as though white people are standing last in line to get jobs, and if you don’t have any formal education you are even worse off. Good things have taken place in all areas of our country but I don’t understand why people have to leave South Africa in order to find work,” Fourie added.For those who are looking to further their education as a means to achieve future financial stability, should be prepared to fork out between R15 000 and R20 000 per year at a university. “There seems to be no infrastructure to provide free or cheap education back home and because it’s so expensive, it is virtually impossible to better one’s life,” Fourie stated.

Fourie goes on to explain that his family is also suffering as a result of affirmative action, with his mother having to look after his sister’s children. “My sister and her husband have no money to buy a home, no money to raise their own children, which means they have no real future. When my brother-in-law applies for work he is either over or under qualified. The same thing happened to the blacks during apartheid and now it’s happening to white people. It’s definitely reverse apartheid and the only way it will change is if a fully mixed party is brought into power.”

Gemma*, who is regarded as a coloured (mixed race) in South Africa, has been in London for five years working as a social worker, and is in full support of affirmative action. “I’m a great believer in giving someone a job because of their competency and qualification. However, considering the history, especially of South Africa, where previously the opportunities were for a selected few, I am in full support of affirmative action to even out the balance.”

She goes to agree with Fourie that it is indeed a tricky topic but insists that it is not a case of reverse racism. “Affirmative action can be difficult, especially if it is not managed appropriately. Demographics show that most people employed are from minorities and those who had the advantage. If it was not for racism, affirmative action would not exist,” she said.

Despite this, Gemma* strongly believes that South Africa has a very bright future. “In 1985 most South Africans did not think apartheid would be over and that Nelson Mandela as well as political prisoners would be freed. We did not believe South Africa would have an election for all. So imagine where we would be in 2015?”

Martine Schaffer, Managing Director of the Homecoming Revolution, a website started to communicate the positive things that were happening in South Africa to South Africans abroad, and particularly to try and bring the skilled South Africans back said, “There is no debate around the fact that there is a skills shortage in South Africa as many of our educated South Africans have left the country.”

Schaffer states that she does not view affirmative action as a case of reverse apartheid, “I think that you have to look very carefully at who is not getting jobs and in what areas they are not getting jobs. We do not deny affirmative action exists but we understand the reason why it exists and certainly don’t see it as reverse racism.”
When asked about the scores of South Africans who come over and work in untrained professions such as labourers and security guards, she revealed that it will only count against them in the long run.

“You will see many South Africans settling for any job whilst overseas, which they would not do if they were in South Africa. They will work in the security industry in London, which they would never do in South Africa.”
“What we suggest to people who have been unable to find employment at home and have had to go overseas to do so, to use the time wisely. If they are not equipping themselves with skills some way, it is not going to be any easier for them on their return.”

The debate on whether affirmative action is a form of reverse apartheid will undoubtedly rage on. Meanwhile whilst here in the UK, we South Africans need to gain as much experience as we can, take advantage of the plethora of opportunities and then take it back home.

I reckon today will be one of the boring days in my life, hehe. First i need to take my stepson to the doctors. After that i need to go to work, even though it's my doay off, to go and do som NVQ work. I'm currently doing Level 3 in Health and Social Care. Then at 13:30, i have got Diversity Awareness Training. Anyway, enough for now because i need to finish getting ready.

Ok. Eeryday I hear the word: Blogging. Help me out peeps. This is a very new thing for me. People even say that blogging can make you money. Well, I suppose i'll have to start at the very beginning and see what happens after this post. Hehe.

My name is Christian Hough. Everybody nows me as Bernie. It was taken from my middle name: Bernardus. I was born in South Africa, in a small town called Keimoes. I weighed in at 12lb 8oz. When I came out of the hospital, my mum and I went to the nearby town we lived in. It is called Kakamas. There I grew up, went to school and during summer holidays I used to work on a number of Export Grape Farms. I was very lucky to start my first proper job as an Assistant Farm Manager on another Export Grape Farm. There I worked for nine months, till I come to England.

I started working as an Healthcare Assistant in Newmarket, first through an Care Agency, and thereafter full time at Care Principles - Beech House, a medium secure unit for adults with learning disabilities and challenging behaviours.

I also have a beautiful wife called Sherri, who I married on 18/10/2003. My stepson, Lucas, is just a cute little boy, and I have a stong feeling he will be a model one day. I also had the privelage to become a father of a gorgeous baby boy, Cameron. He was born on 21/07/2004 at 00:15 weighing in at 10 lbs 0.5 oz.

I used to be a very outgoing person, before I got married. You know how it works - hehe. No, I still regularly go out for a pint and a few games of snooker or pool, with my friend, Braam.

Other than that, I keep myself busy at home, looking after the children, while my wife works nights. I then hand them over so i can work then during the day. It works pretty well. My wife and I work at the same hospital, so we work opposite shifts. We do have our days off together though, unless we do some over time.

My family still lives in South Africa. My dad's name is Gert and is married to my mum, Adri. My brother is also called Gert, and he got married in March 2005. My sister, Marlize Married a few years ago and has two gorgeous daughters, Almari and Marize.

My other very good friend, Charl van der Merwe, is also still in South Africa.

OK, this is all for now. Oh, by the way. If anybody else than me ever see this post, have a look at my webste at www.cbhough.com.